Monday, April 14, 2008

Part 2 .....The ups and downs of my pregnancy

Ok, so it's been a while I am going to try to continue "our journey". So we were pregnant with twins..... The panic sets in for those of you that have carried twins you know that there is a whole new world of panic involved..... twin to twin transfusion.... vanishing twin..... etc...etc.. we made it through to week 12 our ultra screen was great and we finally started to really rest a little better and know that both our babies were ok....They each had their own placenta and were totally independent so no twin to twin transfusion and We were out of the WOODS so they said......So i thought......THEN THE ROPE BROKE....... ON THURS. THE 29TH OF NOV. We had just had Thanksgiving dinner at out house the family came it was just great....We had soooo much to be thankful for After years and years or trying to have children we were having twins i was healthy and the kids looked great everything seemed to be moving right on target....anyway the 29th OH THE DAY I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET........I had to pee as always ....upon whipping there was blood... next thing i know i am in L&D and my world is starting to fall apart around me..... I just knew when the resident who checked me left the room to get her senior something was wrong.......JUST FUCKING TELL ME I THOUGHT...Jeff was home I had my sister with me and I had no control over what was happening..........Next think i know the Dr. tells me to call Jeff and they think it would be best if he comes to the hospital....Lisa you may lose your babies....WHAT ARE YOU NUTS LADY..... I thought to myself....... the bleeding had stopped and i felt them both moving around as always ...... well i was already funneled and Matthews bag of waters was showing....Jeff came and we were off to the high risk area they did a cervical measurement .... what cervix...i was completely funneled.......by 7 pm my water broke with Matthew............I gave birth to him on Dec. 2. He was born sleeping but oh my was he cute.....he had my feet and he was a mix of both me and Jeff. At this time i was on some serious drugs......Then they hung my upside down to try to save Brandon....Put me on a Mag drip.....It was rough..... Even still we held our baby and loved every bit of him for as long as we could.....I cant explain the feelings i felt at that time... it was all soooo surreal at times i really thought it was all just a DREAM...I WOULD WAKE UP IN MY BED STILL PREGNANT WITH 2 BABIES..... WITH A LONG CLOSED CERVIX.......Anyway to make a long story short. Even with all the medical care and drugs in the world we lost Brandon on the 4th of Dec. he went to meet his brother in the arms of my Mom and Dad I am sure..... Our lives will never be the same..... i miss the both soooo much..People seem to think it will get better over time... BULLSHIT..... I still long for them in a way i don't think anyone can ever understand unless they have been in my shoes.... I am supposed to be holding them in my arms right now.....Not looking at dead baby blogs........

3 comments:

mrsmuelly said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I know it's so very hard to write. I'm so sorry that you have to join the "dead baby blog" club. Just know that we are all here to support eachother.

Brenda said...

Thanks from me also re sharing your story. I know its hard to do but i felt better once i had got my story written. Hope it has helped you a little as well.

Hugs
xxx

Jaded Girl said...

i'm am so sorry for your losses. i have had 2 separate losses at 22 week last year (Emi) and 23 weeks this year (Daniella).

you said it...this is a club no one wants to belong to, but if you are here we will support you.